It's been said that Stephen Wright pondered these points...
The early worm gets dead.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Everyone has a photographic memory; however, some don't have film.
Headline: "Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I once tried to microwave instant coffee and went back in time.